I've learned that the internet can do a lot, but can't tell you 3 major things:
what you want to do for a job
why your parents got divorced
if you're pregnant
...I know this, not because it's common sense (it is common sense, al), but because I've asked Google each of these questions (worded precicely one million different ways) over the past two weeks. and i've found that no matter how many details you type into the search bar, your results will never reap the substance you seek.
*before I go any further. currently, I am the only one reading these posts, as far as I know, but if someday they make their way to my parents, my inlaws, or anyone else's screens that might light up at even the word pregnant, know that I am in fact NOT pregnant, nor were we trying. slow down.*
I've learned that the internet can do a lot, until it can't and then in that moment of too much anxiety (because you're working on your anxiety disorder, but let's be serious this will likely be a lifelong journey) you just have to sit and wait. wait until you friend tells you their company is hiring. wait until the moment is right to ask your mom. wait for the period.
I'm trying to be okay with the wait. first. not at the end of my rope. not after i've spent too many hours in front of a screen asking questions i know it will never have answers to. but first, before all that fear and overthinking. I'm trying. because I know that when we become okay with God's timing, the answers come, the past loses power, and the scariest part about your period being 4 days late is your choice of underwear.
i'm not there yet, but i'm on my way.